Black Friday.A perfect name.It is truly darkness! The darkness of the ego,the darkness of materialism,the darkness of greed.And this is what we are supposed to build our life on?! No wonder America and ,by extension, the entire world is so screwed up!P,S. There are many people out there who actually believe that getting a good deal is one of the highest achievements in life.I even had a Sufi friend with that vision.Needless to say,we are no longer friends lol.
Category Archives: Psychology
About Marriage
Not fixing people
This is a deep teaching which corresponds to something which has taken me fourty years to learn!Please read it carefully and apply.One of my sheikhs,Sheikh Nazim, understood this instinctively!
Feelings-In Whose Control?
Consider this hadith:
Although the Prophet (peace be upon him) treated his wives with perfect equity in what he could control, he apologized to Allah the almighty that he could not be equitable in what he could not control; meaning, the feelings in his heart. Lady ‘A’isha (may Allah be pleased with her) reported that the Prophet of Allah (peace be upon him) used to treat his wives equally, and say:
“Oh Allah, this is how I divide what I can control. O Allah, do not blame me for what you control and I cannot control.” Abu Dawoud said: “Prophet Muhammad meant what is in his heart.” And it was said that it is love and cordiality as interpreted by at-Tirmidhi. What is meant, is that Allah the almighty controls our feelings and hearts and made the love of lady ‘A’isha (may Allah be pleased with her) greater in the heart of the Prophet (peace be upon him) than the love of any other woman. Indeed, he could not control that.
Very interesting! This is one of the only instances I know of where the Prophet is qualifying the order of Allah.It is in response to the revelation of the ayat telling men that they have to treat their wives equally.The Prophet saws is making a hugely important point for all mankind,Muslims and non-Muslims alike- one that is often misunderstood.We do not and can not control our feelings! God is the muqallib al qulub(the Controller of Hearts).All we can do is manage our actions that emerge from these feelings.Once we understand this and act accordingly much confusion,guilt and inappropriate actions are eliminated.Alhumdulillah .We thank Allah and His Prophet for this clarification.Salaams,Ibrahim
Marriage-Inner Aspects
The Problem of Mind
After long reflection and observation,I have concluded that the biggest problem in the modern world is that we are victimized by our own minds.This problem does nor correlate well with the traditional maps of vice and virtue such as the Seven Deadly Sins in Christianity.In fact most of the modern analyses are convinced that most of it is about greed.However if we stick to the Christian model for now,because it is the simplest ,we could say this obsession with rationality is about pride.But I prefer to think of it as ignorance-the cardinal “sin” in Buddhism.Oddly enough this very problem is what the modern world believes to be the solution! Thus Universities and Research and Commissions of Enquiry-most of it leading to more dead ends.Let’s conclude with the words of Jesus”Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven”.Not the Phd.s and post-docs.The simple in spirit.Our Prophet Muhammad saws did not have to repeat that as most of the people around him(the Sahhabba r.a.) were already like that.If you don’t believe me go back to the sources and read the exchanges that occurred at the time..! Nothing like the debates in our universities and governing bodies.
Waking Up!
I,too,was raised in the liberal,democratic tradition.Let me share with you two events that helped me wake up.This is from long ago-1975 precisely,for Chantal that means before you were born lol.The first event was in San Francisco.It was the beginning of an interesting but flawed movement called Est seminars(Erhard Seminar Trainings) and they had some legitimate insights.The trainer (that’s what they called the leader) stood up at the board(yes there were no computers and projectors at that time!) and wrote down the “Hierarchy of Spiritual Development).The lowest level,just above animality, was Reason.The trainer underlined the point.”Rationality is the lowest level of spiritual attainment” he reiterated.It was all uphill from there.My entire liberal education was put into question and Alhumdulillah for that.Studying the Hindu and Buddhist concepts of “mind”(as illusion) confirmed my understanding.
The second event occurred at “The Abode of the Message” in the Berkshires at The Abode of the Message “with Pir Vilayat Khan.We did practices called “The Songs and Dances of Universal Peace”.In one of the practices ,the men and the women were separated into two concentric circles.Alternatively we would do some kind of circular movements and chanting”.When I heard ,one after the other,the two collective sounds,I was moved to tears.I felt the sublimity of the Creation.Vive la Difference!The feminist bubble, in which I too was raised, was beginning to burst,Alhumdulillah.Everything after that was a confirmation of what I had realized in that moment.Sublime!
Thought and Reality
Plus ca change plus c’est pareil (the more it changes,the more it’s the same).A Professor Emeritus is visiting from France.He is presenting “A Theory of Cancer”.Aha.That’s going to do it! Another Theory!At least since Descartes the French intellectuals have been producing theories.What’s more is the iconic theory of Descartes”Je pense donc je suis” is the opposite of the Truth! In fact ,it is only when you stop thinking that you discover who you really are.The world is falling apart but not for lack of theories?! It would be much more effective to teach people to see,hear and feel rather than to spin out theories like spiders spin webs.We are like the insects caught in these thought webs.Let’s become humans(insan in Arabic) once again.
The Istikhara Prayer
(This is an answer to a request from an old friend for guidance. I have now added an important addendum at the end of the article. Be sure you read it before acting on this guidance! )
So here’s the teaching.I’m sure you know or can find the dua.That’s the thing the ulema teach first and the part that is least important.What is important is the attitude”Oh,Allah.I am weak.You are All-Powerful.I am relatively ignorant.You are all-Knowing.Guide me in this matter.” It is also very important, if you ask this question to Allah, that you remain open to the answer.If you have already decided what you are doing,don’t do Istighara! Because then if Allah shows you the opposite and you go ahead with your intention,you are in disobedience- “massiya”,big time! So first,humility and open-mindedness.
Then the answer may come in 4 ways(the last one I only discovered in the last few years):
1) Dream symbolism(sometimes people need help with dream interpretation.Be careful who you consult on that level because consultants are often full of prior convictions-no good).
2) Feelings in the heart.Sheikh Nuh seemed to use this one a lot.You ask a yes or no question.If you wake up feeling anxious and constricted,it’s a no.If you wake up feeling expanded and peaceful it’s a yes.Some interpreters feel it’s the same for colours in the dream-green and white are yes ;black and red are no.The heart can give many ,more subtle answers as well.You then need to listen to its soft voice.
3) Facts on the ground.These are the ayats(signs) of Allah.When I was at the beginning of my search and trying to get to India ,I ended up in Sweden visiting some old friends.I was lost because India was under flood alert everywhere.I was watching TV with my friends and a documentary came up about Jerusalem.I knew immediately that was my next step.That’s how I became Muslim.Don’t let the scholars diss TV to you lol.
4) And most recent-third parties sayings or dreams especially if the sayings are out of character for the person.That is a sure sign they are from Allah. In one of my more recent situations a cousin of mine called pleading with me to mediate a quarrel with his sister.I wanted to do it to help the family out and I did Istighara.My brother in NYC had a dream in which I was in an ugly fight with one of the family members and he felt worried about me.I pulled out of the offer and over time it was proven that I had made the right decision.I’ll spare you the details for now.
So do this carefully and follow the Guidance.It will save you a lot of grief.
Salaams,Ibrahim
Addendum: There are actually three types of Istikhara dreams! The first is a dream indicating our desires or wishes. These are the Freudian dreams and should only be used to understand your weaknesses. The second kind of dream is the fear dreams. This represents the projection of your fear-driven psyche.T hey are the dreams our Prophet saws told us to ignore. The third type and the one we can rely on are the Guidance dreams. Those are the truly useful ones. Now, admittedly, the distinction between these three is not always obvious.It takes a certain amount of intuitive discernment to make the distinctions.If you can’t figure it out, you can consult but be advised that the usual Muslim sources of guidance(Imams and scholars) are usually unreliable in this area as they do not understand the components of psychology involved. Psychologists and psychoanalysts are equally unreliable as they usually believe everything in a dream is a projection of our egos! Wrong! So proceed cautiously! Salaams, Sufi Ibrahim
Terrorist attacks in Paris
The real cause of all outer events is an inner reality.I felt that reality on my last two journeys to France and told people of the toxic environment in Paris.That is why problems cannot be solved at the level on which they occur.We need to go deeper.But that usually means putting into question our hidden assumptions and convictions and that is something most people are unwilling to do.So God intervenes and makes the messages louder.Still people
refuse to understand.”Surely man is contrary”The Quran