I am not a great fan of the Existentialists,to be sure.A group of hyper- cerebral atheists is not my cup of tea,so to speak, But one thing Jean-Paul Sartre said has stuck with me through all the years since I read it. “L’enfer,c’est les autres”(Hell is the Others)I am sure you know what he means,if you look honestly at your life.

Now ethically,in all the religions and even amongst secularists we are supposed to “treat our neighbour as ourselves”.But, what if that neighbour,that friend,that family member is a proverbial “pain in the butt”.What if that neighbour continually causes us pain or frustrates and annoys us to the point we can no longer bear it.Repressing and containing our reactions often doesn’t work.We end up either exploding on the other person or avoiding them altogether.”Ghosting” is a new and ugly way of doing just that!What do we do then?That is one of the great arts of living.

Now,theoretically ,we are supposed to show patience and tolerance and compassion.But that can be very difficult at times-read impossible.So are there other methods? I think there are but don’t expect them to work all the time.Two terms that I like to use are “calling people out” and “mixing it up.”Calling them out” implies expressing your observations and your feelings -but in a way that is not assaultive (although the aggression you feel cannot be hidden totally)but that highlights their bad behaviour and your feelings about it.”Mixing it up” implies going back and forth again with a maximum of objectivity and a minimum of rancor until your point is made or at least until you have made your best possible effort to do so.None of this is easy but it is certainly better than being emotionally bullied and building up resentment.

So try it out and tell me how it works for you.Don’t be a victim .Be an intervenor instead.Salaams,Ibrahim