One of the great sheikhs of our time,sent by the famous Ahmad al Alawi of Mostaghanem , Algeria to Damascus was named Mohammad al Hashimi.May Allah raise his rank still further. The Damascenes were missing him dearly when he departed in 1961 so they went to see his khadim (servant) and asked him what he had learned from the great sheikh.He answered “I learned only one thing”.They were amazed.”Fourty years around the sheikh and you learnt only one thing?!”they said.”Yes” he responded.”Ok.Then what was that thing?” And he responded “fi kooli shay khair”(within everything is goodness”). And they left incredulous! But the servant had made a deep point that has echoes throughout the history of Islam and all the world religions for that matter.The essence of everything in Existence is goodness and Love!Hard to believe but True,nevertheless.
The next question becomes,of course,how do we get to that positivity?This question involves an overlap between psychology and spirituality! The psychological exploration involved the study on Happiness by George Valliant of Harvard University and the Positive Psychology movement promoted by Martin Seligman ,president of the American Psychological Association.The latter defined it as ‘the scientific study of what makes life most worth living” or “the scientific study of positive human functioning and flourishing on multiple levels that include the biological,personal,relational,institutional,cultural and global dimensions of life” Ugh,lol! Whenever an author throws in”scientific” along with a bunch of other jargon I cringe lol.Mostly it is an effort to increase their credibility- since science has become the religion of the masses. Ok ,Ibrahim.Watch your negativity lol
Now a religious,spiritual person will read these things and say:”What about God?!”. “How can you be happy in a random universe without a Creator and without an afterlife and accountability?” Good questions lol.But not particularly agreeable to the liberal,progressive,agnostic narrative of the times!
So,let us first look at what the psychologist,intellectual Seligman proposes and then we will get to a more spiritual and transcendent perspective.Mine and that of Sheikh Hashimi mentioned above.I will also provide some helpful practices inshallah.
So Seligman proposes the acronym PERMA .That stands for Positive Affect,Engagement,Relationships,Meaning and Accomplishments.Let us look at these one by one.
1)Positive Affect involves a wide range of feelings like happiness,joy,excitement and satisfaction.The problem here is that many of these are outside of our control.Most spiritual people understand that we cannot really generate these feelings.They are,in fact gifts(‘niamat’) from our Creator.More of that later.
2)Engagement-in activities.That we can do! But,ever noticed what happens when you do?! It often ends in disappointment.Either you realize the people you are with are not what you expected(like my experience in Marxist groups lol) or you realize the cause you were fighting for like Socialism falls apart when you actually visit the countries that are practicing it -like Marxism in China at the time of the Cultrural Revolution.
In case you think this is limited to left-wing causes,I noticed something interesting during my psychiatric practice.Some of my patients with the most disappointing relationships I had seen were people with partners from the great human-rights movements of our times-Amnesty International, Médecins Sans Frontières and Greenpeace amongst others.This was at first very surprising- until I figured out that these people were ideologues.Their convictions were strong but their hearts were hard and insensitive.Oh.oh.Problem.I had noticed the same thing during my participation in left-wing groups.The right-wingers had better relationships.I was genuinely surprised! If you need a more public version of this truth, think of the marriages of George Bush senior and junior and Ronald Reagan vs. the marriages of F.D.R. J,F.K. and Clinton lol.Surprising,no?The people with the best ideas often have the worst hearts!
3)Relationships.Yes! But how do you do that? Relationships have become more and more difficult.I tell young people now that my ballpark figure for intimate relationships is 1/10.Only 10% are going to work ! One of the best-known researchers in Marital Therapy,John Gottman, says that if you follow marriages in America for 40 years there is a divorce rate around 60%! And that is marriages and old-timers lol. Imagine what it is like now?!Not a good place to start,for sure.Some people are able to replace that with good relationships at work.and others with good family relationships.But many are left out in the cold!
4)Meaning! Whoa! Is that ever a loaded term!? Now the nders often find that, in fact,they are sent back for a purpose.And we all have a purpose,no doubt.But it is very easy to get lost .With all the contingencies of modern life, it is easy to end up in survival mode guaranteeing one’s economical situation and that of their progeny.Fill in the rest of your time with entertainment and you are good to go!Or are you.You can easily end up with a dread of death and a painful sense of temporality Without a Creator,there can be no true meaning.We are then stuck with Existentialism which often enough concludes that suicide is the only rational way out!(Read Camus for further elucidation lol) Wa la howla wala quwatta.
5)Accomplishments?! And what are those accomplishments.Making a million dollars? Getting a Phd. or even better lol an M.D.?! When the Pakistani mothers in my community were pushing their children into med school ,I would invite them to come to my Continuing Ed Courses in medicine to see those docs after 20-30 years of practice”Is that what you would like for your children?” I would ask.They would come running after the talk and say: “You musn’t say that, Dr. Ibrahim(yes,I was one of those fortunate few m.d.s lol).You will discourage them”No I would answer in my all-too provocative way. “You are the ones who are discouraged.If that is their vocation ,it is fine,But if not,you are committing them to a lifetime of misery”.But who cares about that when you can say that your son or daughter is a doctor lol?!
As you can see by now,I am not a big fan of the secular version of happiness.It inevitably breaks down when confronted with the tests and tragedies of life and with the inevitable sickness and death that accompanies old-age.So let us examine a more robust response-the spiritual one!
So far,so bad lol.I like to frame my articles according to the Islamic Formula of “laillaha illallah”(there is no god besides the One God).Tha tis we start by denying the batil(the falsehood) and then we assert the positive-the Truth.So,here is what you have been waiting for lol- the positive!
A Protocol for developing Positivity:
In effect,if we look deeply,the entire religious/spiritual enterprise is about developing positivity. From trusting in God (tawakkul) to loving Him and His Prophet, to surrendering to His Will,it is all positivity-training.Nevertheless,in this article we will concentrate on four aspects of this practice.
1-Gratitude: Even the secularists agree to this one! In fact there is research to indicate that doing a gratitude practice helps with depression!If you Google the subject,you will find numerous articles to confirm this effect.What I am recommending here is that every night before you go to sleep,think of 3-5 things that happened during the day that you can be grateful for.It can even be for something negative that did not happen. It might sound something like this”I am grateful for the efficient snow-clearing operations that happen all around me during the winter making life that much easier in Canada.Or again”I am grateful that the huge icicles that fell off my roof as the thaw came in did not injure anyone”. You can see that the gratitude can be very specific to one’s particular situation.
Once again here you can see the advantage of being a believer! At least we know who we are grateful to-our Creator.Rabb Alameen(the Lord of the worlds).I guess there are people wpo get benefit just by being grateful to the forces of chance but that seems like small comfort to a metaphysician like myself lol
Now, as a believer,we should be grateful all the time,or at least many times during the day,not only at night.So remember the gratitude button.It is not always easy.Why is that? I like to say that the human brain is a compass that points south?!i.e. it is designed to indicate the negative,the dangerous,the tragic.The evolutionary biologists tell us that this has a survival benefit in it.It is better to misidentify the rock as a sabre-toothed tiger( no loss except for some anxiety lol) than misidentify the tiger as a rock(and get eaten unnecessarily!). Although this has an evolutionary advantage,it also has a spiritual,happiness disadvantage.We end up living in fear and worry and doubt!
Let me give you a clinical anecdote to underline the issue here.I once had a client with a suspicious breast lump- who was scheduled for a biopsy.She was understandably freaked-out and we spent the entire session dealing with her anxiety.Two weeks later,she came in and immediately started complaining about her spouse(we’re used to that in psychotherapy lol). Something in me felt that this was not right.And then it clicked”One moment here”I said”Two weeks ago you were sure you were dying and would leave two children without a mother! What happened with the biopsy?” ” Oh,that” she responded” It was negative.I’m fine.But my husband….lol “. You see what had happened is the brain, geared to negativity mode, had shifted to the next problem! Here is where the work begins! “One,moment here”I said.”Let’s take a moment to be happy and grateful that the lump was benign,that you’re going to live and be there for your children.” She laughed shyly!
So for each of us we have to catch the thing to be grateful for “on the fly” so to speak.Our brain will not flag it.It is set in negativity mode But our soul must if we want to be happy and grateful!
2-Philantrophy: This refers to thinking about the other ,considering the other,and doing for the other.In the Islamic traditions,our Prophet saws is the model for good character.It is said that when he arises on the Day of Judgment, his first words are “ummat, ummati(my community,my community) .”How are the others doing?” The polar opposite of Trump lol who is always thinking:”How does this affect me?”
Now philantrophy can take many forms and it has its own risks.It can take the form of charitable donations.So many good causes to donate to.Unfortunately this has become a cottage industry with the risk of corrupting the whole process and turning people off. I resent some of those heart-wrrenching ads about starving children and amputees and mistreated animals.They are ALL real and worthy causes.But there is something manipulative in this approach, something about the process that is “marketing ” and obnoxious.Allah knows our intentions however and will reward us accordingly.
Another form of philanthropy is simply doing a good deed like driving a neighbour who has no car to the grocery store or fixing someone’s leaky tap for free.All of this is charity.In fact our Prophet saws has said that even a smile is a form of charity. I like to remind Muslims with sour expressions on their faces(especially women lol) of that hadith when I go shopping lol.Our tradition is about being positive. This is what gives people shining faces with light.
Another form of philantrophy is listening and accompanying people who are having a hard time, emotionally, through their distress.Once again,be careful.If you take on too much pain ,you yourself will be negatively affected.
So very many ways of thinking and helping others.They are in front of us every day! But once again,we need to confront our egos! They are programmed to be selfish! Another survival advantage,the biologists will tell us in their cynical ways..Survival here- but negative consequences on the other side.Read about nders “Life Reviews” if you need confirmation.
I would like to complete this section with an apocryphal story from the Sufi traditions.There was once a nasty,foul lady who used to hang out in the markets of Baghdad.She spent her time cursing people and speaking foul language.And then she died! Several students of Imam Junayd ,one of the greatest of the Sufis,saw her on the other side- in paradise!They couldn’t believe their eyes so they went to their teacher.”How could such a woman be in paradise ?” they asked.Al Junayd was quick to answer” One day there was a dog shivering in the cold,dying in the market.She took off her coat to help him be warm.For this deed alone, Allah forgave all her other sins!” Alhumdulillah!
3-Seeing the positive We have a number of expressions for this in English and French-“Seeing the silver lining in the cloud”;”seeing the glass as half-full rather than half-empty” and many others.The manoeuvre is always the same.”Look at the bright side”.Hamza Yusuf is fond of telling the story of a Moroccan or Mauritanian man who had very strong faith but had a bad stroke( May Allah spare us these kind of tests). Instead of complaining about his right side which was completely paralyzed ,he would point out how well his left side was working and attribute that to the Mercy of his Lord.A very high degree of faith indeed!
We have many occasions to do this practice. Some banal examples: Our sink blocks up in the kitchen”Thank God I have another sink in the bathroom”.Our child has A.DH.D. “Thank God,it’s not autism”. Our car has some issues.”Thank God,we have several good mechanics in the area.”There are countless ways we can count our blessings! And we should make it our duty to do so!
4-The Acceptance Practice (hot off the press)lol
In Sufism this is referred to as “rida” -officially translated as “satisfaction” or “contentment”
This just came to me! Only believers can benefit from this one ,I believe.We know that everything,yes everything, is from God.The Sufis say that not a molecule in the Universe moves without the permission of the Divine! Even the Advaita people like Robert Adams say “Everything is unfolding exactly as it should.There are NO mistakes in the Universe”. So here is how we apply that knowledge! Whatever occurs, especially what appears to be negative,we say: “This too is from Allah and I accept it” Then we find a good reason why that may be so.A simple personal example.Recently I had a problem with a tooth which previously had a root canal.My dentist looked at it,couldn’t quite figure it out and referred me to the root canal specialist.But he was overbooked and couldn’t see me for two months.A bummer,no? Not easy to accept.Then I thought”It is not really causing me any pain.Alhumdulillah.And the wait will train me in patience”(not one of my natural attributes lol.)The problem is still there but much of the disappointment is gone.And I know I can do even better than that in the future.
This last anecdote also refers us back to our relationship to the body-source of so much grief! In my neck of the woods,the French Canadians like to greet us on New Years with “Bonne Année .Je vous souhaite la bonne santé. Après tout, c’est la santé qui est la pricipale”(Happy New Years .I wish you good health.After all,it’s health(physical health) that’s the most important!) .I used to let it pass.But now,for those who can handle it I respond: “One moment.That can’t be it! We are all condemned to ill-health and death at some point.So if it’s all about health,we’re really in trouble!” .Most of them smile back but some ask the follow-up question:”So,what’s it about/” And I respond “It’s about Faith.And our relationship to the Creator”The believers smile.And the agnostics scowl lol.
So there you go! Four practices to maintain positivity.1) gratitude; 2) Philanthropy; 3) Seeing the positive in everything and 4) acceptance.Let’s get to work- you and me!
Salaams,Sufi Ibrahim